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Heluhelu i nā mokuna mua ʻekolu o kā Katie Wong mea hoʻohiwahiwa kiu hou, The Imposter Syndrome.

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I loko o kā Cathy Wang moʻolelo e hiki mai ana, ʻo The Imposter Syndrome, ua piʻi aʻe kahi kiu Lūkini ma waena o nā kūlana o ka ʻoihana ʻenehana e lilo i COO ma Tangerine (Google riff), ʻoiai ʻo kekahi o kāna mau keiki e ʻike i kahi nāwaliwali palekana, e hāʻawi ana e pāʻani. Loaʻa ka puke i nā papa ma ka lā 25 o Mei, akā e kaʻana like ana ʻo EW i nā mokuna ʻehiku mua ma kā mākou pūnaewele i ʻekolu ʻāpana. E heluhelu i ka pauku mua ma lalo nei.
I kēlā me kēia manawa e hālāwai ai ʻo Lev Guskov me kekahi mea hoihoi, makemake ʻo ia e nīnau i nā nīnau i kona mau mākua. Inā noʻonoʻo ka pane, e kākau ʻo ia i kahi leka, a inā manaʻo ʻo ia e hele i mua, e hōʻoia ʻo ia e hoʻopau ʻia ka pepa moʻolelo ʻohana o ke kumuhana. ʻOiai ʻaʻole manaʻo ʻo Leo he pono nā mākua maikaʻi no ka hana huahua. ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, i kāna hana, ʻo nā mākua maikaʻi ʻole ka harbingers o ka holomua. ʻO kaʻike muaʻana i ka pilikia, ka lanakilaʻana i kēia mauna o ka hoʻohaʻahaʻa a me ka makaʻu, ka lawelawe, kaʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka makemake eʻoi aku i nā mea i manaʻoʻia, inā no ka'āpono i hōʻole muaʻia.
Ma kahi e noho ai i kēia manawa, ma ka hale hoʻokipa o ke kulanui ma kapa o ka muliwai ʻo Moskva, ua hoʻopuni ʻia ʻo Lev e kona mau mākua (ʻo ka maikaʻi a me ka hewa). Ua luhi ʻo ia, e ʻae ana i nā hoʻopiʻi kumu ʻole e hoʻokumu i ke ola o Moscow: ua hoʻopaneʻe ʻia ke alanui Ring Moscow e ʻelua mau hola, nā kukama pipiʻi i nā hale kūʻai hale kūʻai, he dermatologist callous ma kahi keʻena mokuʻāina i hōʻole ʻole e noho i ka pō a hana i nā hoʻokolohua kino - kāna Me ka waiʻona ma luna. kona hanu, ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia e lawe ʻo ia i ka ʻaina awakea i ka home. Pono wau e make no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki i kāna wahine ke mālama hale. …?
I kekahi mau makahiki i hala aku nei, aia ʻo Leo ma ke kahua ma kahi lumi like me kona makuahine ma ka lālani hope e paʻa ana i nā tulip. I hoʻokahi pule ma hope mai, ua hōʻea ʻo ia i kahi hale kiʻekiʻe he iwakāluakūmālua ma waena o Moscow no kāna lā mua ma ka hana. Aia ma ke keena he papa keleawe me na hua mua: SPb. ʻOihana Palekana Lahui. ʻO ke poʻo o nā lawelawe kūikawā nui loa o Rusia.
He mahana ma waho i kēia manawa, ʻo ia hoʻi, ua kokoke e ʻeha ka hale. ʻO ka hoa hana ʻo Leo ma ka ʻewalu o ka inning, ʻo Pyotr Stepanov, ua ʻāʻī i kona ʻākau. He kiʻekiʻe a wiwi ʻo Peter, a ma ka noho lahilahi, ua like ia me ka pahi, ʻo kona mau lima ʻoki ʻia a me kona mau wāwae i ʻōwili ʻia i ka lewa. “Pehea kēia?” i ninau aku ai o Petero, me ke kuhikuhi ana aku me ke akamai, oiai ua ike mua o Leo i kana mea i manao ai. Blond mua, lauoho lōʻihi pūhaka.
"Ua manaʻo paha ʻoe e nānā wale ana au i nā maka?" Ua huhū ʻo Petero. "E nānā i kona kala." E pili ana i ke kāʻei uliuli a melemele ma kona poʻohiwi. Loaʻa iā Leo i loko o kahi pahu ma kahi papa kiʻekiʻe i loko o kona keʻena.
"Auē, he kanaka maʻalahi." Kūlou ʻo Petero i mua. "A laila hoʻonui nā mea hiki. Aia ma laila, ka ʻulaʻula ma ka ʻākau. ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o ka blonde, a ma lalo o kēlā ʻaʻahu ʻaʻahu ʻaʻahu hiki ke ʻike ʻoe he kino ikaika kona. ʻIke ʻo Leo i ka ʻulaʻula no ka manawa mua i ka manawa aʻe aʻu i hele ai i loko a ʻike iā ia no nā kumu like a Peter i hana ai, ʻoiai ʻaʻole ʻo ia i ʻōlelo pēlā. I ka Pōʻalima i hala aku nei, ʻoiai ʻo ia e mākaukau ana e haʻalele i ka hana, ua hoʻoikaika ʻo Peter iā ia i kahi "hoʻomaha wikiwiki" ma ka hale hoʻokipa maʻamau, kahi i inu ai ʻo Leo i ka mea inu haʻahaʻa loa, he ʻōmole wai mineral Georgian, a ua hilahila ʻo Peter. ka huki ʻana. Ua hoʻi ʻo Leo i ka home ma hope o ke aumoe, ua ʻona mau nō ia, ʻike wale i kāna hoaaloha ʻo Vera Rustamova i ka lumi kuke. He mea kākau ʻo Vera no ka hui nūhou mokuʻāina ʻo Central Media of Russia (RCM). Loaʻa iā ia kahi leo heleuma nūhou, hohonu a palupalu, hiki iā ia ke hoʻolohe i nā leo ʻae ʻole pololei. "ʻAʻole, ʻaʻole ʻo ia."
“He aha, ʻaʻole lawa ka nani? Inā makemake ʻoe i kekahi mea hou aʻe, ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu inā pono ke ʻimi ʻana ma ka ʻoihana ʻepekema kamepiula.
Noonoo iho la o Petero. “No laila, makemake ʻoe e lilo i naʻaupō a ʻino, ʻaʻole anei? ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu kāu mea e hana nei, akā i kekahi manawa e lawe ʻoe iaʻu i kāu huakaʻi ʻike.
ʻAʻole lohe ʻo Leo i ke koena. Kāhea ʻo ia iā Peter e launa pū me ka launa pū ʻana, kaʻana like ʻana i kahi kumu no ka haʻalele ʻana i ke keʻena - ʻaʻohe liʻiliʻi o Leo i ka hoʻolimalima ʻana no ka mea ua hana maikaʻi ʻo ia i kēia makahiki a hoʻolaha i kekahi mau waiwai. ʻO Bashkir hoʻokahi a ke aʻo mau nei, ʻoiai ʻo nā kaikunāne ʻē aʻe ʻelua: ʻo ke kaikuaʻana he chef akamai a hana i kēia manawa ma kahi hōkele ʻo Lākana i hele pinepine ʻia e nā aliʻi aliʻi Saudi, a ʻo kona kaikuahine e hana ana i loio ma St. Ua ala aʻela ʻo Leo i kēia kakahiaka me ka ʻeha o ke poʻo a ʻaneʻane ʻaʻole i aʻa e hele mai.
Akā i kēia manawa, hauʻoli ʻo ia i kāna hoʻoikaika ʻana. Ma hope o nā hiʻohiʻona: lālani ʻehā mai ka hema. ʻO ka lauoho ʻeleʻele palupalu, ka ʻili haikea, a me nā maka ʻeleʻele liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi e hāʻawi iā ia i kahi hiʻohiʻona ʻino. Ehia ka manawa i hala? ʻEiwa makahiki? ʻumi? A ʻike naʻe ʻo ia iā ia.
Kapa lākou iā lākou he mau kula noiʻi, akā ʻoiaʻiʻo, he mau keiki makua ʻole lākou, nā wahi no nā keiki makemake ʻole. ʻO nā hale haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa nui me nā mea ʻeleʻele a me nā ʻeke maloʻo, nā kāmaʻa kaumaha a me nā ala noho huila ma ka papahele, ʻo kā lākou poʻe ʻōpio e hoʻohana ana i nā mīkini e like me nā skaters. Aia ka hapa nui o kēia mau hale i nā kūlanakauhale nui a i kekahi manawa ma waho o nā kūlanakauhale nui. Ua hui mua ʻo Leo me Yulia ma kahi huakaʻi i kekahi o lākou.
E ʻimi ana ʻo ia i kahi keikikāne. ʻO ka hiapo, he paʻakikī ia no ka mea, ʻoi aku ka maʻamau o nā keikikāne i ka wā ʻōpio inā ikaika lākou. He paʻakikī a koʻikoʻi ka hana, e pili ana i ka ʻelele Kanada a me kāna wahine. He poʻe haipule lākou, ʻo ia hoʻi ka wahine, nāna i hōʻike i kona manaʻo e hānai iā lākou ma mua o ko lākou hoʻi ʻana i Ottawa mau loa: pane i ke kāhea ʻana a ke Akua a hāʻawi i kekahi mau ʻuhane makemake ʻole i kahi manawa hou.
Ua kiʻi ʻia nā keiki i loko o ka lumi maʻamau e ke alakaʻi o ke kula, kahi kahu hānai ʻo Maria, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻoholo ʻia kona mau makahiki. Nīnau ʻo Leo iā Maria e aʻo i nā mea a pau e hoʻolauna iā lākou iho a hana hou i kahi huaʻōlelo mai kā lākou puke punahele.
Ma ka hana ʻeiwa, ua hoʻomaka ka manaʻo o Leo e neʻe. Ua mālama ʻo ia i kona helehelena, hoʻomau i ka nānā ʻana i ka maka, a hoʻopaʻa pono i kona nānā piha ʻana i ka mea āna i manaʻo ai he mea hoʻohiki maikaʻi loa e neʻe aku i mua, he keikikāne me ka lauoho mauʻu i ulu a hiki i ka umauma o Leo.
"ʻO Pavel koʻu inoa," i hoʻomaka ai ke keiki. “ʻO kaʻu puke punahele ʻo ke kanaka uliuli. He mau ʻiʻo kona a hiki iā ia ke lele. Ua pani ʻo Pavel i kona mau maka me he mea lā e hoʻokalakupua ana i nā kiʻi. "ʻAʻole wau e hoʻomanaʻo i kahi huaʻōlelo."
I ka manawa a Leo e haʻalele ai, ua ʻike ʻo ia i ka hoʻopā ʻana a huli ʻo ia e ʻimi i ke kaikamahine. He pōkole ʻo ia, me nā maka maka lahilahi e kau ana i lalo a hiki i nā papalina hili ʻia a ʻoi aku ka palahalaha o ka ihu, nā kuʻemaka mānoanoa a paʻa ʻole i hāʻawi iā ia i kahi hiʻohiʻona pupule. “Hiki iā ʻoe ke lawe iaʻu i laila.
"Ke ʻimi nei au i kahi mea ʻē aʻe i kēia lā," wahi a Leo, me ka ʻakaʻaka i loko o kona ʻike ʻana me he mea lā e hōʻole ana ka mea kīʻai i kahi ʻāpana ʻiʻo. "E kala mai iaʻu. Malia paha i ka manawa aʻe."
"Ua hiki iaʻu ke ola," wahi āna me ka neʻe ʻole. "Aloha nui wau i ka hana ʻana i kahi hana maikaʻi. ʻAʻole wau e ʻōlelo i ka mea a Paulo i hana ai. Pono ʻoe e haʻalele iā ia."
Ua hauʻoli ʻo ia i kāna ʻōlelo. "ʻAʻole ʻo Pavel wale nō ke keikikāne" "Hoʻopaʻa ʻoe i kou lima ke noʻonoʻo ʻoe. Ua hana ʻoe i ka hoʻomaka ʻana i ka wā i hilinaʻi ai ʻo Sophia i ke kī. Ua ʻaʻahu wale ʻo ia i kēlā ʻaʻahu i ka wā i loaʻa iā mākou nā malihini, ʻike ʻoe.
I ka manawa pōkole, hohola ʻo Leo i kona lima ma hope o kona kua. Ua hoʻokuʻu mālie ʻo ia me ka manaʻo hoʻohenehene. Kukuli ihola ʻo ia i lalo a hāwanawana, "Ua ʻōlelo ʻoe hiki iā ʻoe ke hana, akā ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻike i ke ʻano o ka hana aʻu e nīnau nei."
"ʻO wai kou inoa?" ʻIke akula ʻo ia iā Sophia, ka wahine ʻāʻī V kaulana, e lele ana ma kahi kokoke, me ka makaʻala a me ka manaʻolana; Ua ʻike ʻo ia he pono nā kāne, akā me ka nānā ʻole i ke kāne, ua uku ʻia ke kula no kēlā me kēia keiki i hānai ʻia e ka ʻEwalu Bureau.
He aka ma kona alo. "Ua noho au ma ʻaneʻi i koʻu ola a pau," hoʻomaʻemaʻe ʻo ia i kona ʻāʻī. "Ua ʻike ʻoe, hiki nō iaʻu ke hīmeni."
“Mai hana. ʻAʻohe ala hewa e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i nā ʻōlelo ʻē aʻe. He manaʻo maikaʻi loa ia. Kū aʻela ʻo ia, kanalua, a paʻi i kona poʻo. "E ʻike paha iā ʻoe ma hope."
Ua hana ʻo ia i kahi ʻanuʻu liʻiliʻi a hōʻole ʻole i kāna hoʻopā ʻana. “I ka manawa hea?” "ʻaʻole maopopo iaʻu. Malia paha i ka makahiki aʻe. A i ʻole ka mea e hiki mai ana.
Ke noho nei lākou he alo a he alo i loko o kahi lumi ma hope o ka hale kūʻai ʻāpana mechanical o NSA. ʻO kēia ka wahi kūhelu ʻole o Leo – ʻaʻohe mea ʻē aʻe o ke keʻena e makemake e hoʻohana, no ka mea, mamao loa ia, ma Mitino. I loko o nā makahiki, ua hoʻolālā hou ʻo ia i ka hoʻonohonoho: mālama ʻo ia i kahi kiʻi hoʻolaha o ka pelekikena i kēia manawa inā hiki ʻo ia a ʻaʻole ʻo ia, ua wehe ʻo ia i ka ʻōpala a Gorbachev, ʻoiai ma ke kuhi hewa ʻana ua waiho wale ʻo ia i hoʻokahi pepa me kahi kālā inu waiʻona. Ua paʻi ʻia ka hewa i kou kino a me kou ʻuhane ma lalo, a hīmeni ʻo Leo i kekahi manawa, e ninini ana i ka waina nona a me Vera. Gollum.
"Ke hoʻomanaʻo nei ʻoe i kou ʻike ʻana iaʻu?" Ua neʻe ʻo ia, a kani ka leo maikaʻi ʻole o ka noho ma ka papahele. "He manawa lōʻihi kēlā."
"ʻAe," wahi a Julia, a ua lawe ʻo Leo i ka manawa e aʻo pono iā ia. ʻO ka mea pōʻino, ʻaʻole ʻo Julia ke ʻano o ke keiki maʻamau e ulu ana nā hiʻohiʻona o kona helehelena (ʻoiai ma ka ʻike o Leo, ʻaʻole ʻo ka mea paʻakikī loa i ka makahiki he ʻumi makahiki). Ua ʻaʻahu ʻia ʻo ia i ka lole huluhulu ʻulaʻula ʻulaʻula ʻulaʻula e like me ke kaikamahine ʻōpio, a lawe ʻo ia i kahi ʻeke pepa meaʻai a Leo i honi ai i ka berena wela a me ka tiiki. Sloykas, ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia. ʻūhū ka ʻōpū.
"Peia mau anei?" ʻOiai ua ʻike ʻo ia i ka pane, i kēia manawa - hoʻokahi pule ma hope o ka puka ʻana - ua loaʻa iā ia kahi faila piha iā ia.
"A ʻike ʻoe i ka hana a SPB." Ke nānā pono nei iā ia, no ka mea, ʻo ia kahi e hōʻike ʻia ai kahi hapa o kona hiki. ʻOiai ua huki mua ʻia i ka hauʻoli, ʻo ka lohe ʻana i kekahi mea e pili ana i ko lākou mau inoa maoli a me nā hua mua me he mea lā e hoʻoikaika iā lākou e noʻonoʻo hou. No ka nui o kā lākou hana no ka SPB, hiki iā lākou ke mamao loa mai kona mau maka a ʻaʻole i kākau ʻia kā lākou mau hewa.
"ʻAe. A laila he aha kāu makemake?" Ua paʻakikī kona leo, me he mea lā ua paʻa ʻo ia me nā poʻe he nui e hui a hoʻopau i ka nīnauele, ʻoiai ua ʻike ʻo Leo. Inā ua puka ʻo Julia me ka hanohano, ua hiki paha iā ia ke loaʻa i kahi ʻoihana ma kahi hui kelepona, ʻoi aku paha i ka multinational, akā ua hōʻoia kāna diploma kulanui ua pani ʻia nā manawa kūpono.
“I kēia manawa ʻaʻohe mea. Pono ʻoe e hoʻopiha i nā pepa palekana, e hana i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa hoʻomaka. A laila, manaʻo wau ʻo ka mea mua ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa leo. "
I kāna ʻoihana holoʻokoʻa, ua hana ʻo Leo me ka nui o nā kāne a me nā wahine i kuhi hewa ʻole i ka hana ʻino me ka mana. I kēia manawa ua ʻike ʻo ia he ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi e hoʻopau koke i kēlā manaʻoʻiʻo. "ʻAʻole hiki ke hoʻomanawanui ʻia ke ʻano o kāu kamaʻilio ʻana."
Nani ʻo Julia. Ua hāmau ʻo ia, a nānā ʻo ia i ka papahele. "Inā ʻoe e manaʻo he hewa kaʻu ʻōlelo, a no ke aha ʻoe e ʻimi nei iaʻu?" i ninau mai ai, me ka haalulu. "No ka mea, ʻaʻole ia e pili ana i koʻu helehelena."
"Manaʻo wau he wahine hoʻomau ʻoe," wahi a Leo, me ka hoʻohana ʻana i ka huaʻōlelo "wahine." "ʻO kēlā, a me ka hoʻomohala ʻana, ʻo ia kaʻu mea e pono ai."
"ʻO kaʻu mea e hana ai no kaʻu hana, ʻo ia ka hana ʻana i kahi pūʻolo. ʻO kahi pūʻolo kanaka no kahi kumu kikoʻī. Pono au e hooiaio me ke kanalua ole; ʻAʻole ma kou leo ​​ka pilikia, akā ma ke ʻano o kāu ʻōlelo. ʻAʻohe nani. no ka lōʻihi o ko mākou noho ʻana ma ke kula no ka mea i ko mākou hui mua ʻana, ʻaʻole ia he mea ʻino loa.
"Ua hīmeni wau i kēlā mele," i ʻōlelo ai ʻo ia, a ʻike ʻo Leo he pono ʻo ia e hoʻomanaʻo i nā kikoʻī āpau o kā lāua kamaʻilio mua. Malia paha ua mālama ʻo ia i ka manaʻolana no nā makahiki e puka hou mai ʻo ia. “ma ka ʻōlelo Pelekania.”
“ʻAe, a maikaʻi loa kāu mākau ʻōlelo. Me ke kumu aʻoaʻo e hoʻomaikaʻi i kāu ʻōlelo ʻana, ʻaneʻane mākaukau ʻoe. ʻAʻole ʻoe e hoʻopau loa i kāu leo, akā e kahaha ʻoe i ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻokō me ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa ikaika. .”
Ua kali ʻo ia iā Julia e nīnau i ke kumu he mea nui ka ʻōlelo Pelekane, akā ua kāohi ʻo ia iā ia iho. “A laila e haʻi mai iaʻu e lilo wau i kumu aʻo leo a e aʻo maikaʻi wau i ka ʻōlelo Pelekane. Pehea la?
“Ke hana nei paha mākou i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa hana. ʻAʻohe mea hōʻoia. I kēlā me kēia pae, loiloi ʻia kāu hana. "
Luliluli kona poo. "Inā mākaukau ʻoe, e hoʻomaka ʻoe i ka pae aʻe. E lawelawe i ko mākou ʻāina, ma kahi huna, ma waho… "
“ʻAe, ma hea?” aia i loko o kona hoihoi. He kamaliʻi wale nō ʻo ia, i manaʻo ai ʻo Leo. He keiki ʻino naʻe.
"Hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i nā kūlanakauhale ma hope. Loaʻa iā mākou nā kānaka ma Berkeley a me Stanford. No ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi visa, pono ʻoe e kākau inoa i nā papahana puka. "
"He aha, ʻaʻole ʻoe e manaʻo he leʻaleʻa ka pūnaewele?" "ʻAʻole wau ke ʻano o ke kanaka e nānā ana i ke kamepiula i ka lā a pau."
"ʻAe, hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hoʻohui i kahi leʻaleʻa. E hiki mai ana kahi boom hou. Makemake au e hoʻomaka ʻoe i ʻoihana ʻenehana. ʻO kahi hui Silicon Valley maoli me ke keʻena poʻo kūloko. "
"ʻAe. ʻO kahi mea pāʻani kūpono e huki i nā mea hoʻopukapuka maikaʻi. ʻO nā mea hoʻolale kālā ke kī, ʻoi loa i ka hoʻomaka. Mai lākou e loaʻa iā ʻoe nā manaʻo mai nā ʻoihana ʻē aʻe, nā hoa pili - kahi kaiaola kūloko, no laila. ʻāpana o ka ʻōnaehana. Kapa mākou he alahaka. Ma waho mai ka pū kani a me ke kani ʻana o nā kahua kūkulu. Malia paha ua hoʻohiki mau ʻia ka metro, ua manaʻo ʻo Leo e kūkulu ʻia. Ua kali ʻo ia i ka pane a Julia i manaʻo ai he maikaʻi. Hoʻomanaʻo ʻo ia i kona hanu mua ʻana i ka lewa ma waho o Kapalakiko, i ka ʻono o kona māmā - ua maʻa koke ʻo ia, a laila lawe wale ʻo ia a hiki i kona hoʻi ʻana i ka mokulele. Akā ʻaʻole ʻo Julia i ʻakaʻaka wikiwiki a i ʻole nā ​​​​hōʻailona ʻē aʻe o ka hoihoi, ua huki wale ʻo ia i kona kola. ʻO ka pulupulu me kona mau lima, ua hāmama kona mau maka a kau i luna o ka papaʻaina. "Ua ʻike ʻoe i kaʻu mau māka," wahi āna.
“Hmm,” hanu ʻo ia. “A laila ua ʻike mua ʻoe ʻaʻohe oʻu kālena. No kekahi manawa, ua manaʻo wau inā ʻaʻole wau makemake i kaʻu papa, hiki iaʻu ke aʻo ikaika, akā ʻaʻole lawa ia."
Pīhoihoi ʻo Leo: ʻaʻole ia i manaʻo e ʻae ʻo ia i kona hemahema. Akā, ʻo ia wale nō ka mea ʻoi aku ka pololei o kona kūpono ma ke ʻano he waiwai. ʻAe, maikaʻi ka loaʻa ʻana o ka ʻike kamepiula, akā ʻaʻole makemake kēlā kanaka e hana - i kekahi hihia, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka poʻe ma US ma kahi kokoke i ke akamai.
“ʻAʻole pono wau i kahi loea. He mau akamai loea wale nō. ʻO ka hana paʻakikī, ua haʻi wale mai ʻoe iaʻu he aha ʻoe."
"ʻAʻole. E hana ʻoe i kēia mau mea a pau. E kūkulu i hui a alakaʻi iā ia" "Akā ua haʻi mua wau iā ʻoe, ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke mālama i ka ʻāpana ʻenehana" "Mai hopohopo iā ia" Nānā ʻo ia i kāna wati. Metala


Ka manawa hoʻouna: Sep-15-2022